The story behind my song Still Breathing, a testimony of traumatic brain injury, marriage, motherhood, healing, prayer, and the God who kept me when I could not keep myself.
A little family update
It has been quiet here for a little while, but God has not been quiet in our lives.
Our family has been focused on healing, praying, learning, and taking the next faithful step in front of us. We have seen improvement in Neziah, found more healing pieces in my own story that we did not even know were missing, and watched the Lord keep working in ways I hope to share more about soon.
Before I release this song, Still Breathing, I need to tell the story of why I wrote this song.
Still Breathing is more than a song title to me. It is a testimony of the mercy God kept placing in my heart, even when I did not know how to keep going.
When breathing felt like mercy
Still Breathing did not come from a polished place. It came from the places in my life where breathing itself felt like mercy. It came from the years when my body and brain could not carry what they used to carry, but God kept carrying me.
After my traumatic brain injury in 2017, so much of my life changed. I was still a wife. I was still a mama. I was still here. But I did not feel like the same woman inside my own body.
There were symptoms I could not explain easily. Pressure. Pain. Overstimulation. Vision struggles. Dizziness. Weakness. Grief. Fear. Days when ordinary things felt too heavy. Seasons when I wanted to be fully present for my husband and children, but my body and brain were fighting battles no one else could see.
And yet, God kept me.
He kept me as a wife when marriage had to carry things we never expected.
He kept me as a mama when I wanted to give my children more than my body could give. And in the middle of those years, He even blessed us with another baby, another mercy from Heaven, another reminder that life can still grow in hard places.
He kept me in the quiet places where I wondered if I would ever feel like myself again.
There were years when I did not feel strong. There were days when I did not feel brave. There were moments when the only testimony I had was that I was still breathing.
But now I see that was not a small testimony.
It was mercy.
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD. ~ Psalm 118:17
This was my verse for 2024, the year of my brain surgery. I did not know all that year would hold when the Lord gave it to me, but He knew. He knew the fear. He knew the waiting. He knew the operating room. He knew the healing that would come. He knew I would still be here, still breathing, still living, and still declaring the works of the LORD.
That verse has become one of the deep cries of my healing story. I am still here, not because I was strong enough to hold everything together, but because God held me when I could not hold myself.
Healing layer by layer
Healing has not come all at once. It has come layer by layer.
That is part of the story behind Still Breathing: healing has been slow, but God has been faithful in every layer.
Sometimes one layer of symptoms would lift, and underneath it I would find another place that still needed care. Another grief. Another weakness. Another prayer. Another surrender.
But with every layer, I have seen the Lord’s mercy again.
There were miracles I could see quickly, and there were miracles that came slowly. There were answers that arrived after years of waiting. There are still answers I have not received yet, and there are answers God has brought recently that have opened healing doors I did not even know to ask for.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. ~ Ephesians 3:20-21
There were prayers that did not look answered from the outside, but God was working underneath, quietly, faithfully, tenderly.
God is not finished
Still Breathing is my way of saying that if God has kept breath in my lungs, then He is not finished.
Not finished with my healing.
Not finished with my marriage.
Not finished with my motherhood.
Not finished with my testimony.
Not finished with Grow Family Love.
Not finished with the broken places that still need His hand.
The story this song carries
This song carries pieces of my real life.
It carries the prayers of a little girl who longed for a family of her own. It carries the marriage God has kept through seasons we never could have understood at the beginning. It carries our children, our home, our health battles, the midnight tears, the unanswered questions, and the prayers whispered when I had no strength left to stand.
It carries the feeling of watching the waters rise around the family God gave me, and then finding Him faithful there, too.
It carries the miles we crossed by faith, the land He brought us to, and the blessings and miracles that met us in places we never expected.
Music was part of my story long before Still Breathing. My mama taught me piano when I was a little girl, before our story became complicated in ways I could not understand then. Those early lessons gave me more than notes on a page. They gave me a place where music, memory, and worship could begin growing in me.
Why I wrote Still Breathing
I wrote Still Breathing from the place of testimony, prayer, survival, pain, marriage, motherhood, and hope.
I wrote it because I know what it is to walk through years where the battle is not always visible, but it is very real.
I wrote it because God has kept me alive.
I wrote it because He has held our family.
I wrote it because He has answered prayers I could not answer for myself.
I wrote it because He keeps writing miracles into places that once felt impossible.
O give thanks unto the LORD; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people. Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works. ~ Psalm 105:1-2
Most of all, I wrote this song to glorify God for all He has done in my life.
That is what I want this song to do. I want it to give thanks. I want it to make known His deeds. I want it to talk of His wondrous works. I want it to remind someone else walking through the fire that God is still working there, too.
This people have I formed for myself; they shall shew forth my praise. ~ Isaiah 43:21
This is the first song I am sharing, and I hope to share more as the Lord allows, but this testimony needed to come first.
For the one who needs Still Breathing
Maybe that is why this song matters so much to me.
It is not just about me.
It is for the husband or wife whose marriage has carried sickness, sorrow, pressure, change, and prayers that only God fully understands.
It is for the daddy or mama who feels hidden behind sickness.
It is for the one recovering slowly.
It is for the parent caring for a child with traumatic brain injury, seizures, chronic illness, unexplained symptoms, or a long healing journey.
It is for the husband or wife carrying burdens they never expected.
It is for the family trying to keep loving each other through fear, fatigue, and uncertainty.
It is for the man or woman who wonders if they will ever feel like themselves again.
It is for the family walking through traumatic brain injury, chronic illness, diagnosis, grief, seizures, trauma, pain, or prayers that have not yet been answered the way they hoped.
It is for the weary believer who needs to remember that still breathing is still a reason to praise.
Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD. ~ Psalm 150:6
If you are still breathing, God is still working.
If you are still here, your story is not over.
If your healing is slow, that does not mean it is not holy.
If your marriage is weary, that does not mean God is finished.
If your fatherhood or motherhood looks different than you dreamed, that does not mean it is wasted.
If all you can do today is breathe and whisper, “Lord, help me,” He hears that prayer.
Coming soon
I am releasing Still Breathing soon, and when it is live, I will share the listening links here.
If you would like to hear when Still Breathing is released, check back here soon. I will add the listening links as soon as they are live.
Because the song is not the beginning of the story.
God was writing this testimony long before I ever wrote the song.
I would love to hear from you
As I continue praying and working on more music for Grow Family Love, I would love to know what kinds of songs would encourage you most.
Would you like more testimony songs, Scripture songs, healing songs, worship songs, songs for weary daddies and mamas, songs for children, or songs for hard seasons when you just need to remember that God is still holding you?
I have always enjoyed a variety of music styles, and I believe music is a powerful gift God can use to reach people in different seasons of life. Some songs may sound tender and quiet. Some may feel joyful. Some may carry testimony, rhythm, and boldness through hip-hop/rap. As I continue creating Grow Family Love music, my prayer is that every style would glorify God and encourage the hearts He sends it to.
What genres or song topics would you love to hear from Grow Family Love?
You are welcome to leave a comment and let me know.
A prayer for the one who is still breathing
Father,
Thank You for every breath You have given me. Thank You for keeping me when I did not know how to keep going. Thank You for the miracles I have seen, and for the hidden ways You are still working. Strengthen the weary. Comfort the hurting. Heal what is broken. Restore what has been lost. Hold the marriages that are tired. Encourage the daddies and mamas who feel weak. Use Still Breathing to remind the weary that if there is still breath, there is still mercy. Help us live and declare the works of the LORD. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
With love, hope and blessings,
Heidi
Keep Reading
Finding Myself Again After TBI: Healing, Identity, and God’s Miracles *COMING SOON!
Traumatic Brain Injury: Never Alone, Always Loved
If you are walking through something heavy and would like prayer, you are welcome to visit the Grow Family Love Prayers + Praises Wall.
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